Communication

Men have the urge to please their women; be it physically, emotionally, or simply just by being there for you in however you need them. But for us to do that, communication is needed on both ends. Are you expecting flowers? Should I randomly call you to see how your day was, or is a text good enough? What do you want me to do? Those are the type of things we need to know, whereas you want to know other things, some of which may seem trivial to us, but to you, are important. Such as; do you really love me, why don’t we hang out more often; does your mother really like me?

As for the answers for women, I will tackle them one at a time. Do you really love me? This is one of those loaded questions which we have to answer carefully. If we say no, then its over. If we avoid answering, you jump to a conclusion, which generally ends things. If we say yes, what did we just answer? Did we just answer; yes I want to get married, yes I want kids, or yes I love you? The answer is simply, yes I love you. Nothing else can be garnered no matter how much you may think it is from that response. Had you asked, do you love me enough to get married, the answer may be different.

Does your mother really like me? Well the answer to this question isn’t really important; it does matter to you so if we care for you we will answer. Maybe the answer is sugar-coated, but an answer nonetheless. If the answer is no, that doesn’t mean that we don’t like you, or that she will never like you. It simply means that she doesn’t like you right now. Until you work things out with the mother, nothing will change as much as you would like it to. The only purpose we serve in that entire question is the middleman; really it’s a question that you should pose to the mother.

As for, why don’t we hang out more often. This question can be answered a million ways, but I ask this. Why do you think we should hang out more often? Is he neglecting you? Do you have nothing in common? Is there some unresolved issues? Rather than ask why you don’t hang out, you should think why you do. This will save a lot of trouble, as you may realize that you do hang out a lot, or maybe not. At least thinking on the subject will allow you to better prepare yourself for the answer. And the answer may simply be, because he needs his own time. No this doesn’t mean he has stopped loving you, what it does mean is that he needs his own time. Everyone needs time away from people; even married couples spend time apart, be it something as short as doing groceries, or going to the gym. This is personal time that allows the individual to relax and think.

Now to the guy questions, and although I may be a guy, I have listened to many women tell me things that help to educate me in their ways of thinking. Please don’t assume I know everything, or that I’m even correct, rather that I am just giving you another point of view.

The answers are simple, YES!! If you think she would like it, she will appreciate that you took the time to think of her at all. Women may not convey this often, but they like that we think of them, it shows we care. Would she like flowers? Of course, or maybe she is a chocolate girl, or a sincere card girl. She will be happy that you thought of her, as it lets her know that you care.

Should I call her to ask how her day was, or just send a text? Well a text may be less personable, but she will appreciate it compared to not hearing from you. By initiating a conversation, you show that you care, and don’t just think about yourself. As for a phone call, use your brain and think first. If you know she is at dinner, perhaps a text is best. If you know she is just home for the evening, call her and have a 5-10 minute conversation to show her you thought of her and care for her.

As for the big question; what do you want me to do? If you have to ask this question you’re not listening. Somewhere, sometime, somehow she told you what she wants. Is it ridiculous for her to expect you to remember a conversation that lasted thirty seconds from three weeks ago; yes. But you can bet she is still going to expect you to know. The best way to stay safe is to actually listen, pay attention, and remember the little things, because if you get them right it matters even more. Maybe she never told you her favourite colour, or band. But I bet she surrounds herself with the colour, or has a favourite item of clothing in that colour.

People, in general, surround themselves with things they like. If you like something, do you not have it or some representation of it. When I say you didn’t listen, I’m not just referring to what was actually said. That includes body language, and just general observations. If she constantly straightens her hair, she probably likes it that way compared to curly.

I think what I’m trying to get at here, is that communication isn’t just the things said; it encompasses things that are registered by any of the senses. Favourite food; taste. Favourite cologne/perfume; smell. Favourite colour; sight. Favourite music; hearing. Favourite sport; touch. All these little things make up a person, and the more you know about them, the better the odds are you will last as a couple.