Egotistical?

As noted by the date on each post within this Blog, one might assume that I haven't really been inspired to write anything as of late. They would be right in that assumption. But just the other day whilst at work, one of my regulars mentioned that they came across my Blog, via Facebook, and really liked what I had written.

This reminds me of a saying, "Flattery will get you nowhere." Oh how I loathe to prove that saying wrong at any turn. As such this blog is a direct repercussion of a compliment, be it flattery or genuine. Either way the fact stands, that compliment inspired me to write again.

Now think about yourself for a moment. Have you ever received praise for a job well done, when deep down you know it wasn't really a good job. I know I have, and yet knowing that it was sheer flattery, I basked in the good and ignored the part of my brain telling me otherwise. This happens a lot, when you pause to look around, and really listen to what people are saying. That dress looks amazing, I love your voice, you're so smart, etc.

Are we so vain that these compliments go straight to our brain, and instantly we feel better about ourselves? Be it brief or, a general elevation of our status as a being. I can honestly say, Yes, I am. When someone pays me a compliment, be it fluff or genuine praise, I feel better.

Maybe I'm egotistical, or naive, or whatever label you would like to brand on me. But one thing is for sure, I am honest with myself. How you say? Well although I realize the compliment may not in fact be genuine. I take comfort that someone made the effort to fluff my ego. And that's positively good enough for me.

Sincerely,
Ego Erectus!

A Revelation

Recently I have started to realize things in life, things that I wouldn’t necessarily have noticed had other things not changed. You notice these things when something changes in your self. I started to go to the gym, and thought to myself, “Why did I let things get this way?”

If you do not know what I’m talking about, that’s ok because perhaps you don’t even know me. So please, allow me to explain. I am 25 years old, single, live with family, morbidly obese, have a small group of friends, and generally wonder how this came to be. Now I am not saying that this makes me depressed or anything of that nature, but I often wonder if I had made other decisions would I be happier.

One of my personal philosophies is to live life with no regrets, which I admit is hard to do for everything. Yet I strive for it, choosing to do something and not letting my conscience control me after the fact. But now I start to wonder about collateral damage that I may have caused along the way. And not just collateral damage to others, but damage I may have caused myself as well.

For instance, when I choose to do something I analyze it, so that I can make a decision that is best for me and my beliefs, yet little regard is taken into account how it will affect myself and others in the long run. A live in the now type of attitude. Recently, I have decided that perhaps this isn’t the best way to live life. Should I really just live for the now, and ignore the future repercussions of my actions? Or should I start planning for the future, and make my decision based on that?

Seeing as I would like to change certain things about me, I must start to live for the future, otherwise I won’t have one at the rate I’m going. And if I do, it will be one that is lonely and scarcely what one would consider living.

I have recently begun going to the gym, about two months ago. Well my initial thoughts were, “I’m just doing this for something to do.” I have recently reflected and realized that it isn’t just something to do; rather it is something that needs to be done. The same can be said for my attempt to change my dietary habits by eating healthier, and trying to manage portion control. There has been some success at this, but not as much as I would have liked, but success is still success.

I have also recently begun thinking of my personal life. Why is it so empty? I have family, who is always there to support me in my goals and decisions…well maybe not all my decisions but for the most part. My friends are there when I need them, but even at that I generally decide to just do my own thing. Perhaps I should be more outgoing in life, and then things may change.

Now I could point the finger as to how this all happened at many a different thing, but why throw the blame elsewhere. I have always thought that I control myself and actions, and with that mindset, the only one to blame is me. To blame anyone or anything else would be contradictory to the truth, as clearly people have tried to help or put their insight on scenarios, but I made the decision. The decision to drop out of school, to be unhealthy, to remain single, to prioritize, to seclude myself, and to bottle all my emotions so others couldn’t really get close or truly know what I was thinking.

Well I guess that at this point, I am making the decision to change all of that. A decision to open up and let others in, to live life to the fullest; and to stop living just in the now. I see for myself, a healthier future one filled with close friends, happiness, and family; perhaps even one of my own in time.

Actions and Compromise

Recently I have had the chance to help some people through some tough times in their lives, and it makes me think; why do we torture ourselves for others?

Some people add to the stress in their lives, whether through their actions or by accepting the actions of others around them. When something seems off, shouldn’t you question it; ask why are things like this? Did I allow this to happen, or did life just smack me in the face.

Now it is childish to think that we are in complete control of everything that happens, for if we were, then we must be living in solitary confinement. Others peoples actions undoubtedly affect our own, if not directly, than indirectly. As an individual do we really decide what type of music we listen too; of course not, as life and our surroundings affect what we perceive.

The same must be true for things within our own personal lives. Hypothetically, if you decided to see a movie, does it not make others want to see it? Either through our own rave reviews, or simply for the fact that another may want to spend time with you. But when does this interaction become detrimental to our own way of being?

Is it when we can’t make decisions for ourselves; or when our decisions don’t put our own interests into the equation? An explanation is perhaps needed. Is it bad for me to do something, simply because someone I care for wants to do it, and I yield my own desires for theirs?

I would have to think yes, for if we are not at least living for ourselves, who are we living for? Others may say that living for another is the way to live. But if all people truly lived in this manner, would not everyone be living for someone else, thus no one is living for themselves.

The greater question becomes; how do we put ourselves first, while still sincerely caring for others? This is a hard thing to do. Do we…compromise? Well that would seem simple, but is it really.

When two people want something equally, yet the two things wanted conflict, what is the outcome? Is it better to have two individuals regretting the decision reached when compromised? Or is it better to have the two individuals go their separate ways and be happy?

I guess this is what it would be like for two people who come to this situation in life. Do we “settle” or; do we “divide” and go on with our lives? This is not just about relationships, but the decisions within those relationships. Perhaps it is best to take this into account the next time you decide to compromise; that is if you really didn’t want to compromise in the first place.

Communication

Men have the urge to please their women; be it physically, emotionally, or simply just by being there for you in however you need them. But for us to do that, communication is needed on both ends. Are you expecting flowers? Should I randomly call you to see how your day was, or is a text good enough? What do you want me to do? Those are the type of things we need to know, whereas you want to know other things, some of which may seem trivial to us, but to you, are important. Such as; do you really love me, why don’t we hang out more often; does your mother really like me?

As for the answers for women, I will tackle them one at a time. Do you really love me? This is one of those loaded questions which we have to answer carefully. If we say no, then its over. If we avoid answering, you jump to a conclusion, which generally ends things. If we say yes, what did we just answer? Did we just answer; yes I want to get married, yes I want kids, or yes I love you? The answer is simply, yes I love you. Nothing else can be garnered no matter how much you may think it is from that response. Had you asked, do you love me enough to get married, the answer may be different.

Does your mother really like me? Well the answer to this question isn’t really important; it does matter to you so if we care for you we will answer. Maybe the answer is sugar-coated, but an answer nonetheless. If the answer is no, that doesn’t mean that we don’t like you, or that she will never like you. It simply means that she doesn’t like you right now. Until you work things out with the mother, nothing will change as much as you would like it to. The only purpose we serve in that entire question is the middleman; really it’s a question that you should pose to the mother.

As for, why don’t we hang out more often. This question can be answered a million ways, but I ask this. Why do you think we should hang out more often? Is he neglecting you? Do you have nothing in common? Is there some unresolved issues? Rather than ask why you don’t hang out, you should think why you do. This will save a lot of trouble, as you may realize that you do hang out a lot, or maybe not. At least thinking on the subject will allow you to better prepare yourself for the answer. And the answer may simply be, because he needs his own time. No this doesn’t mean he has stopped loving you, what it does mean is that he needs his own time. Everyone needs time away from people; even married couples spend time apart, be it something as short as doing groceries, or going to the gym. This is personal time that allows the individual to relax and think.

Now to the guy questions, and although I may be a guy, I have listened to many women tell me things that help to educate me in their ways of thinking. Please don’t assume I know everything, or that I’m even correct, rather that I am just giving you another point of view.

The answers are simple, YES!! If you think she would like it, she will appreciate that you took the time to think of her at all. Women may not convey this often, but they like that we think of them, it shows we care. Would she like flowers? Of course, or maybe she is a chocolate girl, or a sincere card girl. She will be happy that you thought of her, as it lets her know that you care.

Should I call her to ask how her day was, or just send a text? Well a text may be less personable, but she will appreciate it compared to not hearing from you. By initiating a conversation, you show that you care, and don’t just think about yourself. As for a phone call, use your brain and think first. If you know she is at dinner, perhaps a text is best. If you know she is just home for the evening, call her and have a 5-10 minute conversation to show her you thought of her and care for her.

As for the big question; what do you want me to do? If you have to ask this question you’re not listening. Somewhere, sometime, somehow she told you what she wants. Is it ridiculous for her to expect you to remember a conversation that lasted thirty seconds from three weeks ago; yes. But you can bet she is still going to expect you to know. The best way to stay safe is to actually listen, pay attention, and remember the little things, because if you get them right it matters even more. Maybe she never told you her favourite colour, or band. But I bet she surrounds herself with the colour, or has a favourite item of clothing in that colour.

People, in general, surround themselves with things they like. If you like something, do you not have it or some representation of it. When I say you didn’t listen, I’m not just referring to what was actually said. That includes body language, and just general observations. If she constantly straightens her hair, she probably likes it that way compared to curly.

I think what I’m trying to get at here, is that communication isn’t just the things said; it encompasses things that are registered by any of the senses. Favourite food; taste. Favourite cologne/perfume; smell. Favourite colour; sight. Favourite music; hearing. Favourite sport; touch. All these little things make up a person, and the more you know about them, the better the odds are you will last as a couple.

Shallow

Looks matter more than most would say, but then again, for one to say looks matter, one must admit that they are shallow. Does shallowness have degrees? Or is it simple a chemical attractiveness. Some form of stimulus must be present, I suppose, or can that spark be synthesized?

Many people will admit that some form of physical attraction must exist, but what exactly does that mean? A strong jaw line, ripped arms, deep eyes, height, hair, the list can go on for ages. I think what most people truly mean is that they want to feel an instant attraction, love at first sight. Love or lust, either would suffice in this analogy. But I will analyze both separately.

I guess it depends on your definition of the terms, but for simplicity, lust is a primal thing, which just happens. I good looking brunette makes your head turn when she walks by, or perhaps that guy just has broad shoulders and that makes you crazy. You want to be with them physically, sexually, or maybe just bask in their presence. But is that really enough, perhaps for a one night thing, but how many times have you thought, “Did that just happen?” When you realize that they have nothing in common with you, or that they really are a witless blonde, and that wasn’t just a rouse. Or that he is really a player, and you fell for it again. A quote comes to me, “If we don’t learn from our past mistakes, we are doomed to repeat it.” Does this apply to all things? Are we doomed to repeat our mistakes until we learn, or will fate play its part? I like to think fate exists, but at the same time I feel that our actions define us, not something/someone else.

Now love is trickier, because I think that it is something that comes from within. Initial thoughts are primal and just a quick response to a situation. The true test is how you deal with things after that. If you think to yourself, “He/She is super sexy or handsome!” That is just an observation, a statement, not a conclusion. A conclusion requires that you learn about the person. One needs to learn the persons; interests, hobbies, favourite colour, music, all the things that make an individual an individual. Otherwise it’s not truly love. For I don’t think love is something that you just do, it’s something that you feel, something that grabs you from the depths of your soul. As I write this I realize that if it is possible to fall in love, so too must it be to fall out of love. You fall in love when you really know a person, and connect on so many levels. If those levels change, so to must the level of love or commitment.

I remember hearing from my sister in law, that on a radio station they ask their listeners this question; If the person you were married to (or significant other if you prefer) were to gain 200lbs, would you still love them? Many of the listeners said no, because at that point they aren’t the person they fell in love with. On the surface this sounds logical, but then again most people reading this aren’t larger individuals like myself, approximately 425lbs. Now I look at the general response, and think to myself; “Is it not the same person?” Some might argue that the person’s habits changed, maybe they don’t play sports anymore, or they eat junk food, or whatever. Their hobbies, and the things that you fell in love with changed, so you don’t love them anymore. But then again, their interests wouldn’t change overnight, thus your perception of it wouldn’t either, things are relative to time, as it is a constant. My own thoughts are that I would still love them, for on the inside they are still the same being, maybe some things have changed, but haven’t I?

Now if the question were reversed; If the person you were married to (or significant other if you prefer) were to lose 200lbs, would you still love them? What do we think the general response would be? Just based on the interpretation, from the listener’s answers, you wouldn’t love them, because their mannerisms have changed. Maybe they started going to the gym, eating healthy, or some new hobbies. But I bet most people would actually say that, yes, they would still love the person. Now why is this? I believe it comes back to my initial statement, “Looks matter more than most would say, but then again, for one to say looks matter, one must admit that they are shallow.”